Regular or Decaf?
by Chibizoo
Summary: The Yu-gi-oh characters discover the unmentionable _thing_. Yes, by reading this fic, you too can discover the _thing_. Written in response to Atarashii's second fanfic challenge.


Author's notes:  
  
Disclaimer: Zoo-chan does not own Yu-gi-oh!   
  
Wow! Not only do you get graphic yaoi, but you also, for an extra price of your   
sanity, get total randomness! Yes, for the extra price of your sanity, you too, can get   
total randomness. Give up now, and you will also receive a bonus imaginary friend,   
free of charge! That's right: an imaginary friend, the total randomness, and graphic   
yaoi all for the price of reading this Zoo-fic!   
  
*************************************  
  
"I am a word in a foreign language"  
  
-"Disembarking at Quebec", Margaret Atwood  
*************************************  
  
  
Regular of Decaf?  
  
  
"Stay tuned, folks! The end is near!"  
  
There was a tube in the center of the room. It was blaring rather loudly,   
randomly spewing out snatches of profane language and other rated oddities. Five   
figures were currently seated in front of this flashing screen, three on the sofa and two   
on the ground.   
  
A burst of livid music vibrated in the air, and then, a slight pause. Some of the   
figures blinked, stretching their limbs. They had been momentarily freed from the   
spell of the television, though, sadly, their escape from captivity would be short lived.   
Considering their non-perplexed faces, it was evident that they all knew their   
condemned fate. Alas, what a horrible, non-existent struggle life was, to give in so   
easily to those who enslaved you.   
  
The boy in the center of the couch, clearly the shortest of the five, gave a   
spectacular yawn. He wiped the tears budding from his eyes before lying back down   
in his former position. The boy, Yuugi, then wriggled his shoulders, snuggling into a   
comfortable nook between his Yami's crossed legs.   
  
The "cushion", otherwise known as Yuugi's Yami, simply chuckled at his   
Aibou's actions. The Yami, called Yami for convenient purposes (what could be   
easier than a four letter name?) put an affectionate hand over Yuugi's head, tousling   
the boy's soft, gelled hair.  
"Tired, Aibou?" Yami whispered towards the other, tone slightly teasing.   
  
Yuugi emphatically shook his head. "Not a chance!" The boy whispered. He   
turned towards the television set, locking eyes with the screen for one captivating   
moment before breaking away from the entrancing vision.   
  
The third person on the couch, seated in the far right, currently had his arms   
crossed. He looked upset – the again, he almost always looked upset – and his eyes   
were fixated in a glare of intense concentration. Actually he, Seto Kaiba, was   
currently half-asleep, though his vacant blue eyes ensured that he could still look   
menacing and cool unfocused. Thus, he had long ago discovered the wonder of falling   
asleep with his eyes open while retaining his antagonistic glare (this tactic was   
especially usefully during Anzu-friendship speeches).   
  
Currently, said Anzu was seated on the ground, upper body happily lodged in   
someone's arms. The brown-haired girl shifted slightly, causing her soft cushion to   
jerk, rather startled.   
  
"I wish I were an Oscar Meyer Weiner," The brain-sucking tube was blaring   
out at full blast.   
  
Yami frowned as he stared at the screen. He scrutinized the child portrayed in   
the commercial, and then, compared to the people around him. "Isn't that kid a bit too   
young to be thinking of such things?" The once-Pharaoh announced, in a rather   
disapproving voice.  
  
The TV was still screaming, oblivious to the Yami's commentary. "That is   
truly what I want to be!"  
  
Ryou giggled slightly as Anzu tickled his stomach. He turned to face the girl   
lying on his lap, a stray lock of white hair falling to cover one eye. Absent-mindedly,   
he flicked the lock out of the way. "Yami, I think it's just a commercial for wieners."  
  
"I know." Came the Yami's blatant reply. "And that kid can't be any older   
than ten."  
  
Seto was about to say something, but the television beat him to it.  
  
"-And if I were an Oscar Meyer wiener."  
  
Yami raised an eyebrow. "Who is this Oscar Meyer character anyway? Is his   
p-n-s really that attractive?"  
  
Yuugi was busy rubbing his temples. He mentally made a note ever to watch   
Austin Powers with his Yami again. As gifted as his other was, when it came to   
conceptual concepts (such as differences between the Austin Power's 'wiener', and   
the Oscar Meyer one), it was as hopeless as asking Yami Bakura to stop eating oreos   
(Ryou had to confiscate the last batch) or pleading for Yami Malik to refrain from   
replanting any more fire hydrants (and from Malik consistently screaming "You're   
going to put that WHERE?!"). Simply put, as amusing as the Yami's antics were, it   
never ceased to give their Hikari's a headache and a heavy dose of embarrassment.   
  
Seto opened his mouth to say something.   
  
"EVERYBODY WOULD BE IN LOVE WITH ME!"  
  
And was again, uneventfully interrupted. Ryou gave Seto a look of pity,   
though if you looked closely, his eyes were actually twinkling with some other,   
unexplainable emotion. Twinkling. Note the twinkling.   
  
**************************  
  
Otogi gawked. He stared, eyes wide, jaw hanging slack at the sight in front of   
him. The green-eyed teen had always suspected that the other had a tendency for   
strange, intimate actions, but nothing as excessive as _that_.  
  
Pegasus cocked an eyebrow, arms still raised in the air, flaunting his pale-  
skinned body. "What?" He murmured in a challenging, rather seductive voice. "Don't   
tell me that you don't like it."  
  
The green-eyed teen sought to get his mouth working; to avert his vision, to   
speak of something else – anything other than focusing his attention on… on… that   
_thing_. Well, Otogi thought with a deepening red blush, it was pretty impressive. In   
fact, Otogi had to admit that he was slightly shocked at its appearance, considering the   
size of some others he had seen. The green-eyed youth had heard a lot of rumours   
about Pegasus being a pansy and the likes, though this, _this_, definitely went to   
disapprove them all. Otogi almost wanted to gloat over the rumours, wanting to yell   
over the ignorant faces and scream: "HA! Not only have I seen it for myself, but it   
exists. And holy sh--, look at the size of that thing!"  
  
"It-it's so big." Otogi squeaked, realizing that his voice had cracked. His blush   
deepened even more. The green-haired youth briefly wondered if it could come any   
bigger.   
  
Pegasus chuckled, before pulling his pants and tightening his belt, closing the   
exposed space between the loose fabric. The creator of Duel Monsters dismissed the   
entire graphic scene with a mere wave of his hand. "Oh, I promise more. Much…   
more." He flicked a lock of silver hair from his face, tossing it entrancingly to the side   
of his face.   
  
Otogi had to admit that Pegasus's face was pretty handsome too, but not as   
alluring as Pegasus's… _thing_. Only in rare times - and it was very hard finding a   
handsome guy in the first place - had Otogi seen anything that could even rival   
Pegasus's. The green-eyed teen considered himself a lucky boy. "But… do you think   
mine will fit?" He asked dubiously, comparing sizes. It would require a lot of soap, or   
something soft and greasy, to make it fit, and the process could be overwhelmingly   
painful if not handled correctly.   
  
"Otogi-boy." Pegasus reassured. "I've done this so many times that I've lost   
count. Don't you worry – I'll _make_ it fit."  
  
That comment slightly started Otogi. Unless the silver-haired man hid others   
under his bed, who else could Pegasus have seduced? Oh, it wouldn't be hard,   
especially with the size of Pegasus's _thing_, but who else but annoying, bratty   
duelists, would come to this island? Not unless Pegasus and Croquet…  
  
Otogi shook the quite disturbing thought from his mind. Okay, that was bad.   
Ugh. In fact, that was almost as bad as his previous dream of Keemo and Keith. Well,   
their names did start of with "K", but really, that was just… just wrong. Very wrong.   
  
Pegasus took a sip of his wine. "What's the matter, Otogi-boy?" he drawled,   
smiling vaguely. "Aren't you going to come and join me?" He gestured to the bed he   
lay seated on, patting the empty space beside him. "My bed's big enough for a   
foursome."  
  
Otogi's eyes widened. 'I will not think of that', the boy mentally thought to   
himself, trying to restrain the sickening image prodding against his barriers of will. It   
was too late. The image had infested in his mind. There, on that nice, silk bed Pegasus   
lay on, was Otogi, and Pegasus, and Croquet, and Keemo, all doing it at once. Oh, and   
Bandit Keith was waiting patiently for his turn on an upturned chair.   
  
The green-haired boy shook his head furiously, trying to shake that horrible   
image away. It wouldn't leave, and instead, haunted him. Okay, maybe it wouldn't be   
too bad with Bandit Keith, since the American had to have some expertise (being an   
American and all), but honestly – with Croquet? That guy was old enough to be   
Otogi's grandfather.   
  
Otogi quietly slid onto the bed beside Pegasus, hearing the blanket sheets   
rustle. He gave an affirmative nod, shaking away the last of the horrors. "Okay,   
Pegasus. I'm ready whenever you are."  
  
"Oh no, Otogi-boy." Pegasus gave yet another coy smile. "You _are_ my   
guest. As I always say, guests first."  
  
The green-eyed boy mentally sighed. Was there no way out outsmarting that   
silver-haired man? Well, it looked like Otogi's chance for an advantage had been   
busted.   
  
With that, the green-eyed boy rolled the dice, careful not to let them land   
outside the board. Not that Otogi could have if he tried; he vaguely wondered why   
they had assembled the game on top of the bed in the first place. True, the table had   
been too small for the board, but it would definitely take time to wash those   
board-smears off the blankets.   
  
Otogi shrugged. It couldn't be helped. Pegasus had an obsession for larger-  
than-life games, and playing Dungeon Dice Monsters was no exception.   
  
…You hentai! What did you _think_ I was talking about?  
  
*********************************  
  
Honda was walking around. He looked up. And he looked down. And he   
looked at the people in the alleyways, in their apartments, on the sidewalk, and in the   
car, all having rampant sex.   
  
The brown-haired boy put a thoughtful finger to his mouth.   
  
"Wow." He thought. "It's the end of the world as we know it."  
  
~~  
  
"OW!" Zoo looked up, rubbing her head. "What was that for?"  
  
Her Eevee Muse glared, giving the omnipotent _look_. "Why the heck did you   
make him say that?"  
  
Zoo thought for a moment, scratching her head. She thought long and hard,   
and finally came to a conclusion.   
  
"Oh." Zoo hit herself on the forehead in enlightenment from her absolute   
foolery. Of course, there was some time in between where she was knocked quite   
unconscious by herself, but then, she sprang up, like the Magical Girl she was.   
  
"Go fix it!" Her Eevee Muse was still glaring.   
  
Zoo sighed. "Alright, alright. I'm going." She looked up towards the Honda-  
scene. And, a brilliant brainstorm came into her short-term mind. 'A ha!' She thought   
triumphantly, re-adjusting the Honda part again. "I fixed it!"  
  
In fact, she did. Just scroll back up and confirm it yourself.   
  
  
*************************************  
  
He sighed, taking in the scent of her perfume, exhaling deeply while rubbing   
his nose along her neck. Slowly, he lingered his lips over her smooth, ivory skin.   
"I love you." He sighed, murmuring in a low, passionate voice by her ear.  
  
She giggled, giving a shudder of pleasure. "I love you too."  
  
"But I love you more." He interjected, continuing to rub his face along her   
neck until she sighed in pure delight.   
  
"I love _you_ more." She protested, straying fingers now running along the   
buttons of his shirt, slowly undoing them.   
  
"I love _you_ more." He exclaimed, moving his mouth along her neck to kiss   
the exposed part of her back tenderly.   
  
"No, I love _you_ more." She now had her hands, and then arms inside his   
shirt, exploring his well-built chest.   
  
"No, I love _you_ more." He panted, trailing patterns with his tongue along   
her bare skin.   
  
"No, I love you-"  
  
"Get a room!"   
  
Both lovers looked guiltily at the interrupting voice, suddenly breaking   
contact.   
  
Malik simply rolled his eyes. "You guys are gross." What on earth were they   
doing? Was Japan that liberated? If there was something that the blonde Egyptian had   
learned, it was the fact that Japanese high-school students had no sense of decency. "I   
mean, honestly, you make people in general look bad."  
  
The lover-boy clenched his fists angrily, ready to take a swing at Malik.   
However, his lover-girl, who regarded him with sweet, loving eyes, voicing a silent   
'no', suppressed him. The lover-boy was force to leave the hallway under Malik's   
contemptuous glare.   
  
Malik sighed, leaning against the wall. What was it with people and love?   
Love was such an overrated word, more pathetic than it sounded. He couldn't help but   
feel sorry for those poor, pathetic teens, who thought that _love_ could possibly   
dominate their lives.   
  
The blonde Egyptian was suddenly interrupted by a blurring whirlwind-of-a-  
person, one that made an abrupt stop right at Malik's feet. Malik blinked.   
  
"Sorry!" Jounochi wailed, scattering to pick up his fallen textbooks, scattered   
from his sudden stop. "I feel asleep and the teacher gave me a detention!"  
  
Malik sighed. He rolled his eyes. "You know, you kept me waiting for over   
half-an-hour. God, I would have killed you by now-" The blonde Egyptian trailed off   
as he hungrily eyed Jounochi's powerful, beautiful, muscular frame. "-If you weren't   
so damn attractive."  
  
Jounochi dropped his books once again as he felt Malik press his lips against   
his own. Both exchanged a passionate, frenzied moment of emotion, bodies almost   
glued together, hands rubbing excitedly along their bare skin.   
  
They parted, breathing in a few gulps of air before cuddling each other once   
more. Jounochi had his arms wrapped around the blonde-Egyptian, smiling as he felt   
Malik run his tongue along the blonde-Japanese's neck.   
  
"I love you." Malik whispered in Jounochi's ear.   
  
Jounochi grinned. "Nuh-uh. Not as much as I love you."  
  
And the rest, my reader, was left for your imagination.   
  
****************************  
  
End notes:  
  
What's that? You didn't laugh?   
  
Hahaha. I'm laughing, and that is good enough for me.   
  
Atarashii's fanfic challenge #2 guidelines - you must include these five sentences   
somewhere in your fic:  
  
--"Erm...does it come any bigger?" (I seem to have left out the "erm" part ^^() )  
--"...You're going to put that WHERE?!?!"  
--"The end is near."  
--"Holy sh--look at the size of that thing!"  
--"It's the end of the world as we know it." 


End file.
